The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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