My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
