I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
