the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
