Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
