What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
