Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
