So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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