Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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