Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
