She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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