He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
