you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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