ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
