Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
