3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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