What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
