i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
