im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
