I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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