He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
