i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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