Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
