You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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