Im at strip club and am horny
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
