I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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