Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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