ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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