if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
