you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
