Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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