I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
