How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
