I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
