So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
