Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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