Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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