Just fell off a train. Bad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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