so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you had me at cake vodka
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
