Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
