We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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