That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
