I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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