she woke up with a sticky ear
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
