Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
