youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
