Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
