maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is Oprah even human
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