i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
