and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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