omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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