it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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