I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
