my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
