the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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