You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
there is glitter all over my balls
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