The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My ass is underappreciated
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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