I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
God I need to hump something, right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
