i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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