Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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