I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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