I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
