I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
