In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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