Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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