shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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